My Cousin Might Rape My Childhood
I checked boingboing this afternoon, only to discover with absolute terror that Hollywood is working on an ElfQuest movie. Seeing as I spent most of my youth saving up my lunch money to pick up every book of this beloved series I could get my hands on, I’m officially a fanboy, which means I’ll be horribly disappointed with this movie, no matter how good it is.
What’s worse, is that it’s being directed by Rawson Thurber, best known for a Ben Stiller movie about Dodge Ball. Looking a little deeper, he also directed a seemingly mediocre recent movie called The Mysteries of Pittsburgh.
This is where I start to lose control of bodily functions; my cousin, Peter Sarsgaard, was apparently in The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. This is a long shot of course, because he takes a lot of random roles in mediocre movies, but he does have a tendency of appearing over and over again with the same circle of Hollywood elites.
The bottom line: if Thurber defecates all over Wendy and Richard Pini’s wonderful world and characters, and uses my cousin to do so, I may have to change my name. I’m thinking “Ben Gyllenhal.”
