Fuck You, Keanu
Fuck you, Keanu. Fuck you right in the fucking eye. Here’s how I assume the pitch went when producing A Scanner Darkly:
“Hey, let’s take Ben’s favorite book ever and make it into a potentially awesome movie!”
“Great idea! Let’s get the awesome director of Slacker and Waking Life to direct it, because that’s the only way it will look great without shitty CGI.”
“Sounds good, except I almost forgot, it’s a movie based on a book by Philip K. Dick.”
“Oh yeah, it has to suck by law.”
“I know, we’ll put Keanu Reeves in it!”
“Yeah! It’ll be like if The Matrix, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, My Own Private Idaho, Point Break, and Johnny Mnemonic had a massive orgy and one of them gets knocked up, but nobody’s sure who the father is! And also, the baby is Robert Downey Jr.”
“Man, I loved him in Ally McBeal. Let’s finish smoking this crack and go rape a cat!”
“Done, and done!”
