Washington, D.C. Santarchy Info
(reposted)
Please forward this message liberally to all friends and email lists.
What is Santarchy?
Santarchy takes place in major cities all over the world involving tens of
thousands of Santas. It is a non-profit, non-political, non-religious &
non-sensical celebration of cheer, goodwill, and fun. There is no good
reason to dress up in cheap Santa suits, run around town, sing songs, get
drunk, have strangers sit on our laps, and decide who is naughty or nice –
but it’s a lot of fun — so Santa does it anyway. Everyone loves Santa and
Santa loves everyone!
In Washington DC, Santa is gathering on Saturday December 10th with a whole
new list of naughty places to visit.
Santa’s Rules:
1. Be Jolly.
2. Santa apparel is mandatory. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit.
Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. If you don’t have
any money, be creative. If you don’t have any creativity, slap yourself
three times and ask your mom to help you. Glue cotton balls to red long
johns. Make it purple. Make it pink. Already have a Santa suit? Make a spare
so Santa can assimilate strangers. Past examples: pimp Santa/Santa
garcia/Santa’s naughty little helper/misfit toy/elf/reindeer. Traditional
suits can be bought at local party stores or ordered online for $12 and up.
Santa’s Reminders:
1. The schedule is open to liberal interpretation by Santa. If you can’t
show up for the start, get the cell number of someone who can talk you in
later.
2. Santa does not make children cry (unless they whine, snivel, or otherwise
deserve it). Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or
something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents.
3. Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while
they vomit in an alley is not.
4. Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting
arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly and cooperative with cops, security
guards, park rangers, and secret service agents, and doesn’t break any laws
(unless they’re stupid and deserve to be broken).
5. Bring gifts — Naughty gifts to give grown ups; nice stuff to give kids.
Throwing coal at the white house is discouraged (see #4 above).
6. Pay your own god damn bar tab.
7. The answer to important questions that may arise:
Who’s in charge? “Santa”
What organization are you with? “Santa”
What are you protesting? “Shitty holiday parties”
How did you get here? “A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer”
Where are you going? “I’m only allowed to tell you if you dress like Santa”
Santa’s “Schedule”:
Santa needs to arrive by 2pm! Late arriving Santa will be playing catch-up
and will miss much daylight fun.
1:00-2:00: Santa musters at the National Museum of Natural History,
10th Street and Constitution Ave., NW (Mall-side steps)
2:00: Santa heads west along Mall, spreading cheers to tourists and needy
politicians.
stops: carousel, washington monument, national christmas tree; white house
3:30-5:30: Santa refreshes himself at several midtown business
establishments (18th + M St area)
5:30: Santa marches on Dupont circle for caroling, carousing, and christmas
shopping.
5:30-7:30: Santa makes jolly in the stores/bars/strip clubs in the Dupont
Circle area.
7:30-: Santa still on their feet head to Adams Morgan for dancing and
fashion show.
midnight: Santa heads to the after party.
Ho Ho Ho!
If further inspiration is needed, check out www.santarchy.com.
